Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
