Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
