I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
