I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
