i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
