saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize