My liver just broke up with me...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
