In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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