I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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