went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
