everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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