i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
