Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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