I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
