I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
