Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
