corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
