i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
