so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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