I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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