sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
