if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
