Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the liver wants what the liver wants
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
