I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
