Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
