I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
