the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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