I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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