Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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