she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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