you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
