No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
