I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
