i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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