I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
