Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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