We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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