R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
