I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
