hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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