Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
