That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
