I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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