Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
