dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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