I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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