i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
