I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
