He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
