you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
