It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
