I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
