i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
