I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
