I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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