Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize