I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
