we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
