I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
