how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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