We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
