Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
