im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
