Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
