This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
