Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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