She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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