If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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