No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
