How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
