If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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