Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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