Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
