Will you blow on my dice?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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