You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
