Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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