if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
